Category Archives: Sober 2012

Failure & Success

I haven’t updated this blog in a while, I know that. The reason being, apart from me completely running out of ideas, I also kind of fell flat on my face in the past 6 weeks or so. It wasn’t a pretty site to behold, if you ask me and it’s only the past week or so that I feel I am getting back up onto my feet again.

Unfortunately, as a result, I have some bad news to report. I have already written about how I broke the year of no drinking thing. Yeah, things went to crap afterwards. It was a bit messy ( no, I haven’t turned into an hopeless alcoholic but still. ) I guess I was too ambitious with the time scale I had set myself. Well, I can least say I went 3 months without drinking, even though it’s a bit of a cop out.

So yeah, it’s being a bit of a failure.. hence one where I was aware of making the choice and as I wrote in my previous post, worrying about letting my audience down too much is a bad sign and is almost peer pressure in itself ( not saying it’s a bad thing unless it starts effecting you negatively. )

On that note, I’ve also got another failure on my part to report. Damn, this is like a double whammy and is making me out to be someone who can’t succeed at anything! Anyway, this failure concerns my fighting games hobby. Yeah, I failed to win a tournament and May is almost over. Hell, I haven’t managed to get past group stages in any tournament this year! What the hell is wrong with me!? Then again, there is only so much online play can do as I live no where close to someone who plays these games like I do. That in turn means practice isn’t as practical as it should be and I just get bored of beating up a dummy in training mode.

Maybe I’m just not meant to be hyper-competitive. I’m more content to hang in the background with the community. On that note, I’m actually going to be running the local tournaments myself for a while as the guy who has ran them to this point is leaving Ireland soon. That in itself will pose some interesting challenges for me. Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to win. I followed up and asked others what I did wrong that caused me to lose at the last tournament so that I could improve in future.

However, I actually do have some good news to report; In less than 3 weeks, I will be doing my Stage 10 speech in my local Toastmasters club, thereby completing the Competent Communicator manual and achieving certification as a Competent Communicator πŸ˜€ I won’t say any more about that until then but it’s a big deal for me, considering I’ve being doing a speech practically every month since last September ( not including the speech competitions and the time I went to the fond-raising Speakathon event in Marymount Hospice ) I’m pretty burnt out in that department! Well, all I need to do is one more and I’ll be done with the CC manual!

As for Australia, things are still going to plan. Just slowly saving for up towards it. As long as the Euro doesn’t go to crap before I leave, I’ll be fine. Looking forward to it, being honest and it won’t be that long coming!

So that’s an update on me. As the future of this blog, I’m not sure. I’ll keep things up to date but I can’t promise anything. I’ll need to rethink a few things, though. Till then, keep up with whatever good you’re doing!

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Reverse Peer Pressure ( Or Why I Drank Last Weekend )

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an annoucement to make: I broke my no year without drinking this weekend just gone and to be quite honest, I’m not all too bothered that I did.

‘ But Adrian! How could you!? You were determined to go through with this!? What happened!? You’re such a cop – out! Traitor! ‘ OK, calm down. This post is to explain my reason why I decided to break it. It ends up being a bit more complex than me just deciding to ‘ screw it, let’s get drunk! ‘

Anyway, as you know, I am fighting game player. This weekend just gone ( 13th – 15th April ) I was in Dublin to partipate in the biggest fighting game tournament of the year in Ireland. Now, I had actually said that I intended not to drink while I was up there and was determined to stick to my guns. However, something can up that took my surprise and caused me to changed to my mind.

I was in the Irish Fighting Game Community chat room a last week and the topic about the weekend came up. I mentioned that I was intending to stay off the booze and when asked why, I explained that it was a personal goal and that I had an audience that I didn’t want to let down if I did drink.

However, what took me by surprise is the fact that while it’s not clear what exactly was said but what was spoken of got me seriously thinking about it to the point I had to braindstorm and do some journalling about it. The conclusion I came to was that it was in fact, a form of peer pressure I was under.

This isn’t the classic direct peer pressure. It was more subtle than that. I felt that if I broke this challenge, I would have let my audience down. HOWEVER, at the same time, I also felt if I stuck to my guns too rigidly, than I might not enjoy the night out and that I would end up feeling sorry for myself. You see, I’ve had problems with being too stubborn in the past and when I was journalling all this, some words of wisdom that a friend from secondary school echoed through my head in regards to my stubborn, rigid nature: ‘ Adrian, there is no point is staying at home all the time, feeling sorry for yourself. ‘

Another fact is that I probably won’t be up in Dublin again before I go to Oz so that could be the last time I see many of those guys before I leave – which also added the idea in that what would be point in being a party popper just for the sake of a goal that in reality, not many people know about? Why should I feel like I am making myself suffer for the sake of what is really a personal goal?

Also an aspect worth noting is that from my journalling, my fear of letting down the audience also led me to rather alarming conclusion: I didn’t want to let anyone down because I was afriad of offending someone! That is what it boiled down to! I was scared someone would take offence! This floored me and helped me realize that I wasn’t making my own decisions, I was letting others ( however indirectly ) make my decisions for me and I was to be frank… rather angry with myself at that.

In fact, my fear of offending others effects other areas of my life. Be it that I don’t want to chat up those girls, I might end up offending them with my advances, I can’t say no to something otherwise I’ll offend the person / people who asked me. Basically, I was a doormat and a yes man and that wasn’t pretty at all, to say the least.

Now granted, I did not make this decision lightly or spontaneously. I thought this over and decided to make an exception for the weekend just gone. I plan on being dry for the rest of the year now. It’s good to know that something good came from all this from me personally. I know myself better and am now becoming more unoffendable and that, if you ask me, is a good thing.

Staying True to My Theme of 2012

I’ve being slacking off lately, I admit this ( well, I DID say that the release Street Fighter X Tekken would effect my posts here for a while ) I’m still nowhere near wanting to wake up at 7am in the morning ( maybe I was being too ambitious with that goal perhaps? ) and other things, like saving for Oz, have slowed down a bit unfortunately.

However, I can that maybe the last few months were meant as a peroid where I was germinating internally. Who knows, I’m the type of person who takes some time to come around but when I do, the progress can be remarkable in a very short peroid of time. For example, If I was given a 6 week project, you can count on me making slow progress until week 4, after that, you will see my productactivity sky rocket which will result in me finishing the project on time.

So, there are a few things in the pipeline but generally speaking, I am doing my best to stay true to my theme for 2012 which is Upsetting the Status Quo. It’s kind of funny really, I could do nothing for ages but then something comes along and causes massive changes with something as simple as pressing the ‘ return ‘ key on my laptop ( I’ll elaborate on this in a future post. )

As for the whole no drinking thing, I’ve managed to stay true to myself and my goal of a drink free 2012 by NOT drinking at all this St Patrick’s weekend just gone. To be honest, I feel like I wasn’t really missing out on much anyway. For one thing, the bars I was in were in absolute chaos, even though I left early as I was sick of it at that stage. Then there was the amount of litter and broken glass strewn around the town. Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t do anything like ( hell, even when I DID drink, St Patrick’s Day was nowhere near this messy for me. )

I guess I can say that changes are happening slowly and maybe it was just the fact that Winter is over and Spring is here now so maybe things will pick up a pace a little. However, I will to those who are in a similar position to me in regards to change and are not happy with thier progress: Don’t sweat it, people grow at different rates, your day in the sun will come.

Challenge #1: Giving Up the Drink for 2012

The New Year, What will 2012 bring? And yes, there is a Mayan reference.

 

Firstly, Happy New Year everyone! Hope you had a good night wherever you were and whoever you were doing! πŸ˜‰

Anyway, straight down to Business, I have an announcement to make. I am making good of my promise to start issuing myself challenges, well this one is more of an experiment – A pretty big one at that you can say. Its one that has being in the back of my mind for quite some time but it was something I knew I’d want to do eventually.

So, as of today, January 1st, 2012 – I am giving up the drink for one year. New Years Eve was the last blow out for me before this started, which explains why I am typing this out a few days beforehand and scheduled it!

Why?

Well, I have my reasons but rest assurred, I am NOT going to become of those oh so mighty teetotallers who tells everyone who drinks off ( I was like that when I was younger, it didn’t work too well socailly for me! Ha! ) The reaons I have for doing this are:

1. Cost

I have an awful habbit of spending way too much on booze when I am out. Tha money can easily be put to better use elsewhere, like saving for my trip to Australia. Seriously, there was one night where I spent over 100 Euro out. I am like ‘ Woah! To hell with that. ‘

2. Health

Another obvious one, I want to look after myself now more than ever. I am NOT invincable and I want to prolong my life as much as possible so that I can see as much as I can. That and hangovers generally suck ass and cause a write off of the next day!

3. I am using it as a crutch.

I, like many others, am a bit shy and inward. The drink helps bring me out of my shell quite a bit. HOWEVER, I realise that this is a trap and its really just a cop out for both me and anyone else that connects with drunk Adrian. My goal is to be able to do what I can do drunk…. except I will completely sober, if you get my drift.

Granted, I know the first few times going out sober will suck but I already know from exerpince as I often went out completely dry when I was 19 and 20. Those sucked but maybe it was because I never put myself out there enough.

4. I knew it was never meant to be a permentment fixture.

I didn’t start drinking until I was 21 and even then, I knew it wasn’t meant to be a permenment thing. I knew it was temporary, something to keep me sane during the college years. Now that I’m at the other side of this, I don’t wish to partake in these activities anymore, the peroid is over, I don’t NEED drink anymore, I can cope perfectly well on my own.

There are other reasons that are a bit too personal for me to blabbing out here right now so I’ll just at this. I am looking forward to doing this and hope that the whole experiment will work for the best for me!

Heres to the New Year Everyone!