Category Archives: Me
1 week to go… The countdown is now in single digits…. feels weird saying that. This is probably going to be the longest weeks of my life. Then again, the last few days before something big you’ve being looking forward to usually tend to drag and this is will probably be no exception.
I do have some stuff to take care of over the next week, some loose ends to tie up, some final nick knacks to buy, some packing to do and of course, ticking more people of my list of saying goodbye to ( if I haven’t done so already. )
It STILL hasn’t hit that this time next week, I’ll be on a 16 hour flight to Kuala Lumpur ( the second leg of the journey. ) I mean, I am looking forward to it but I just don’t know how to feel…. it’s weird. For now, I’m just carrying on as much as possible with my normal routine because that will be going completely out the window next week.
The thing is, this ‘ normal routine ‘ is one of the reasons I’m leaving to begin with. I know that I’ve generally stagnated growth wise because of said routine. So, I’m going to change things up a little, you get me?
My thoughts seems to be jumbled a lot right now but I’m OK with that because like one wise man said, it’s OK to not be OK at this stage.
Hopefully the next week won’t drag so much.
Last Saturday I had my going away party. It was long day for me because not only did I say goodbye to many friends and family but earlier the same day, I also said goodbye to my friends from the local fighting game scene as I attended my final local tournament. So you could say the last weekend was a weekend of goodbyes and I’m not even finished yet!
To be honest… right now I don’t know how to feel. I mean, I’m happy that I have so many who care about me ( as well as finding out who my friends were…. let’s just say a LOT of people failed that test! ) That people are going to miss me but right now, I’m not sure how to feel about it all.
I’m entering the final countdown, so to speak. There is only 2 weeks to go now. I’ve still got a few things to do before I go ( apart from packing, obviously! ) I’ll sort most of that out this week. It hasn’t really hit me that I’m actually going to Australia. A part of me is half expecting some disaster to happen that will prevent from going!
I don’t know why I’m thinking like that. Maybe it’s because it’s such a huge step into the unknown for me that my brain isn’t able to comprehend it yet. Maybe I’m experincing what one may call ‘ Graduation Goggles ‘ at this stage. It could be the negative part of me talking, trying to imagine random crap like how North Korea is going to start World War 3 within the next 2 weeks or some other fantasical reason that I won’t be able to travel!
Then I think about more morbid reasons that could either prevent me from traveling or make me return early like the death of a close relative. I guess I’m not OK and that is OK with me. It’s normal for someone to feel nervous and unsure when they are about to make a big transition in their lives – I’m about to make one myself after all. They think about all the nasty shit that could happen or go wrong. They somehow think that they don’t deserve it and maybe even WANT something happen to prevent them from actually making the transition!
I’ve fought with similar feelings in another area if my life before and was able to eventually overcome them ( that is for another post, though. ) So I can overcome this feeling I’m having right now – It’s a weird one, a happy kind of blues – you could say. You happy that you’re going but you’re sad at what you’re leaving behind in order to do so – a part of you doesn’t want things to change, so to speak.
However, I know that as much as hate it, change is a part of everyday life. I would nearly say it is an ESSENTIAL part of everyday life. Without it, life would be stale and boring. People will endless complain about change – especailly if it’s a large website that likes to change appareance every other week! The human being is a strange cookie, alright; We hate change but in order for u to grow – then we MOST be willing to embrace change in our lives.
I accept that change is a part of life. I’m making a change for myself. Sure it is scary as hell but you know what? That is what makes life worth living. I know that my current life isn’t going to get me anywhere which is why I am making this change for myself.
I’ll leave you with a song that pretty much sums up my mood right now;
Hello everyone, right now, I am little hyper. You wouldn’t really be able to blame me though. This has got to have being the most hindering part of the whole process so far all because of money issues. It has resulted in this being delayed by several months BUT I had reached the stage, where funds were sufficient AND if I didn’t do this now, I NEVER will as I would keep finding excuses not to say!
Anyway, as you can guess by the title, today I finally booked my flight to Australia! Truth be told, it was almost surreal actually doing this after looking at this particularly set of flight options for quite some time but alas, things are now officially set in stone. In fact, here is a brief screenshot of my confirmation email to prove it;
And with that, I can now officially announce my date of departure – I shall be leaving Ireland for the pastures of Australia on Tuesday, March 12th, 2013! This is a major step for me and I can’t wait for the date to roll around. Also, I booked some initial accommodation for when I get over. Nothing too fancy, just a hostel after all. Then we’ll see where I go from there.
My mother, bless her soul, is concerned that I will be lost without friends over there and is urging me to contact the people I know over there before I leave. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s something I’m going to do anyway but I don’t want to be totally babied either or end up spending all my time around other Irish people! I want to expand my horizons and meet other people as well.
At the same time, I am aware of the challenges ahead but I reckon I’m more than up for it. Stay tuned – a bold new chapter in the life of Adrian Collins shall be beginning soon!
Pretty soon, I will be embarking on the biggest and scariest adventure of my life. The type of adventure that will change me so much that I will not be the same person when it is over. A once in a life time type of adventure so, you may say. I’ve spoken of it before.
Yup, I am going to Australia. I’m just going to say that my date of departure is early next year. Mainly owing to the fact to quote a friend ‘ How do you make God laugh? Tell him your plans! 😀 ‘ ( I’ll announce the date when it is 100% set in stone! )
But anyway, that is beside the point, in this post, I feel the need to highlight my WHY’S am I doing this. So, lets talk about them, shall we?
1. To Grow
This is something I need to do in order for me to grow. I feel that if I stay in Ireland, I would only be hindering my own personal growth in so many ways. That’s not saying I can’t grow in Ireland, only that it is hindered. There are various reasons why, be it cultural, economical and maybe even just down to me as well.
2. I need the kick up the hole!
I’ve had some well meaning relatives and friends tell me that I should really be considering what I am doing. That Australia isn’t all sunshine, rainbows and money trees and I won’t have the same support structure as I would have at home. Of course I bloody know that!
I am lacking motivation where I am at present and I feel I really do need to put myself into a sink or swim situation to motivate me, help me grow and help me become more independent as a person. You see, I am too comfortable here in Ireland, I need to go outside my comfort zone in order to grow. I’ve being able to work things out in the past, who said I won’t be able to do so now?
3. The Adventure!
Despite appearances I can actually be adventurous when I want to. In fact, some of my best memories come from me being adventurous. Likewise, some of my loneliest, most painful experiences steam from the fact I wasn’t adventurous enough.
I like big adventures, even if it’s only going to meet someone from an online blog. I’ve gone on solo trips in the past ( them in themselves, adventures. ) But this is one of the Big Daddy’s of adventures for me in my life so far. One that takes me outside of my comfort zone, places me in a strange environment far removed from home for an extended period of time.
You could call it a rite of passage every young person should do, go on a big adventure. This will be mine ( hopefully the first of many big adventures like this! )
4. I’ve Actually Always Wanted To Go To Australia
I’m not one of those people who is going there just because the job market here in Ireland is dead, I’ve actually wanted to do this since I was young. Australia always seemed like this cool, awesome place that is so far removed from where I lived. With actual consistent weather ( mostly warm! ) and an interesting culture.
Also hearing stories of people I knew who have gone to Australia before me just increased this hunger. You could say it’s being a bit of a life long dream to go to Australia and now, I am finally actually going to do it.
So there are just a few reasons as to why I am going to Australia. It’s an adventure I am quite looking forward to and will keep you up to date on it in this regard.
We’ve all heard of the mob mentality, where opinions and ideas of individual people are influenced by that of a larger group ( hence, the mob. ) This can occur in many ways, there is a mob mentality when it comes to sports, particularly in football / soccer ( I’m certain the same applies likewise to American Football and NHL ) where people worship teams to the point of obsession, sometimes even going as far as violence because of it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the vast majority of supporters are good people, it’s the small few that mess everything else up for everyone and give them a bad name. That is a bad example of the mob mentality. Unfortunately, all my experience of the mob mentality is negative, giving me the impression that it really is a bad thing.
For one thing, you are selling out on your individuality and becoming part of the Borg collective by subscribing to the mob mentality. Yes, I know it’s hard to resist, especially when seems like everyone else is doing it and / or it seems like it’s the cool thing to do. Hell, I’ve being through that conflict as well in the past when I choose to not smoke or drink in Secondary School ( I didn’t drink until I was 21 ) and saw what seemed like to be EVERYONE ELSE doing either one or both of these things. Felt horrible, I may tell you but I got over it and figured I really shouldn’t care and just my own thing, my own way.
Looking at the fighting game scene that I’m a part of, there is a very clear and blatant example of mob mentality from this year that I got caught up in. Back in February, Capcom released a new fighting game called Street Fighter X Tekken. The game was clearly rushed, suffered from numerous bugs and worst of all, there was a massive DLC fiasco around launch time involving locked characters that people would have to pay for and wouldn’t be released until October ( this was later changed to July. ) All this combined to create one hell of angry mob, which I got sucked into myself and became rather passionate about hating the game.
Until the end of the summer, when I decided to give the game another chance. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some serious flaws but I found it fun, in spite of it’s flaws, it was fun. I changed my mind about the game, stopped hating on it and realized that I had foolishly fallen into the trap of hating the game because it seemed like everyone else did. In short, I had being a victim of mob mentality.
Following that, reading comments on news articles relating to the game became a sickening experience. With people frankly shitting on the game just for the sake of it, even when Capcom announced they were actively trying to fix things to make it a better, more solid game with a free update in December. They screamed for them to fix the game and kept on screaming when Capcom said they were fixing it!
I haven’t being this sickened by the mob mentality in a long time but I guess the only reason I even am sickened by it is because I was for a while, apart of this mob. Only I eventually saw through it for what is and was now aware of it. So, what I have taken away from this is the need for awareness of things. Awareness helps in these sort of things, to see through the mob and be able to come to your own conclusions about things rather than letting the mob do that for you.
At least that is my view on things, being a bit of an eye opener and made me a bit more humble, me thinks.
Let’s face it, we all have elephants in the room or skeletons in the cloest, so to speak. Things we’ve done that looking back on we are less than proud of. It’s all really a part of life. We sometimes need to do these things in order to grow as human beings.
However, we grow to fear these skeletons in the closest – fearing one day, they’ll will burst out and ruin us. People will look down on us, we’ll lose our jobs, our families, our reputation. OK, maybe not those type of extremes ( well, for most of us, anyway! ) BUT we are still rather embarrassed by them regardless. Worried what people will think of us if they saw the truth, worried about what they will think of us.
The thing is, unless it is something really bad like rape or murder, then we generally have nothing to worry about. Sure, some people will look down on you for it but your true friends and those who will understand will see it for what it is. They will congratulate you for being honest and brave enough to share with the world, one of the skeletons in the closest.
And so with that, I am going to introduce you to one of my skeletons in the closest. Why am I doing this? You may ask? Well, it’s something I’ve being meaning to do. I also want to show full transparancy of who I am, what makes me tick and how I’ve arrived to who I am today. Then there is the fact it’s an exercise in caring less. I am well aware that I could potentially be upsetting a number of people with some of the content I am about to post. Be honest with how you lot feel, I am looking for open, honest discussion here.
Anyway, with that, I now introduce the Skeleton….
From the desciption on top; I am an Irish Man. I am against feminism and all things surrounding it or it surrounds. Need I say more?
And with that, I am confessing that I was once part of the online MRA ( Men’s Right’s Activism ) movement when I was between the ages of 20 – 22. Well actually considering, I was more of keyboard warrior than anything. I never attended any protests or anything like that.
The simple truth is this – I was pretty socially awkward and had a very naive view of the world of the time. Top that with the fact I didn’t really have much success with ladies at the time and well, it’s an uneasy brew! Basically, I was angry at the world for ‘ wronging ‘ and basically needed a scapegoat to take out my anger. With the whole MRA thing, I found that scapegoat – Feminism!
Some of the earlier posts from 2006 up to late 2007 are quite angry and bitter posts if I may say. Like I said, I was quite angry at the time. It did not help my woman situation at all, naturally! It hindered it more than anything else as I became slightly untrusting of many women and painted a lot of people with the same brush. It was at it worst in the Summer of 2007, bad experiences with in real life at the time only made things worse and I was especially bitter back then.
Some of the content also speaks of some more personal problems. Again, these are related to my own anger issues at the time, I’m more likely to refrain from speaking of them in such a public manner these days ( that’s not saying you shouldn’t talk about the shit that goes in your life – just don’t go posting about in every website you come across like I did at one point, when I was younger and more naive. )
However, slowly but surely the content started to change. It became more thoughtful and less bitter and angry. I began to realize that in all honesty, the current path I was going down was destructive and would only do me harm in the long term. I had to think hard about this.
It is worth nothing that I have not maintained the blog in any shape or form since March 2008. If you visit the link, the first post is actually about leaving the whole MRA thing behind. This actually one of the only times I have offically left something. Other times, I usually just faded from a community over time. This one was abrupt and quick. I went as far as abandoning the ‘ NHY ‘ nick I had being using on various sites since 2001 in order for me to get a fresh start.
Now, my time involved with the MRA scene wasn’t all bad. The main goal of the MRA movement, when you bring it down to it’s most basic form, is to simply bring true equality for both men and women. There are many other different ideals within the MRA scene that I was aware of but that is it’s main goal in it’s simplest form. One thing I’ve learned as a result that I’m actually pretty passionate about Human Rights, for ALL people, be it male or female.
Another aspect of the online MRA scene was that many people who were involved at the time had the following symbol somewhere on their blog;
This is the logo of MGTOW – Men Going Their Own Way. It is the main philosophy behind the online scene at the time I was involved ( I’m not sure about now as I haven’t kept up for obvious reasons. ) There is even a manifesto for it as well.
The main point I took from the whole thing is from the Title – Men Going Their Own Way. I saw it to mean that we ( everyone here, not just men ) do not need to go down the beaten track in life. We don’t need to become just another drone in the machine. We too, can forge our own paths in life – Go our own way, so to speak. Be unique, not locked down by what others expect of us.
That was my interpretation of what MGTOW truly meant and I would like to believe that it led me to clicking with the whole lifestyle design philosophy when I first came across it last year. It was really a natural extension of the lessons instilled in me by the MGTOW philosophy, only it was truly inclusive of everyone.
And so with that, I have now introduced my Skeleton into the open. Some people will look differently on me now as a result of this. That is fine by me, we all have our Skeletons in the closest. Our secrets that no one knows of. Some we may never share, others we want to share but are afraid of the reaction. The truth is, like I said earlier, your TRUE friends will understand, everyone else can go to hell, quite frankly!
Hey everyone, how have you being? It’s being a while, I know. Lack of motivation on my part ( hey, at least I’m honest! )
The last week has frankly… not the being the best of weeks in the Adrian Collins camp. I’m not ill or anything like that, thankfully. It’s just some things didn’t work out for me, that’s all.
Firstly and regretfully, I am announcing that I will be missing my ‘ Project Getaway ‘ deadline that I set last November. There is really only one reason; Money. I know that many people adovcate that money doesn’t mean everything but I still believe in at least having some sort of cousion when I do get to Australia.
On that topic, the new date of departure will be early next year, probably something before Mid-Feburary. Truth be told I’m rather disapointed in myself that I will be missing the deadline, I built myself so much up for it only to miss it over something as petty as money! However, there is a minimum required to enter Australia ( Yes, I know they hardly check but better safe than sorry and it always helps to have something of a cushion to land on. ) I would be barely scrapping it as it is if I went in November.
On the other hand, at least I’ll be at home in case the world ends on December 21st! 😛
There was also another event that occurred this week that made the suck even worse. However, I don’t think I should talk about it as a mark of respect to all those effected. I will say it was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to endure.
What To Make Of All This
The last week sucked, there is no denying that. I was a bit down in the dumps over eveything that occurred but my world hasn’t ended. I’ve come out on the other side in one piece, maybe feeling a little sad but I’m still here.
I accept that these things happen. Maybe it’s lifes way of kicking me up the hole, so to speak. I’ve also learnt a bit about myself; I’m more resilliant than I’ve ever being. The same series of events would have broken me if they happened when I was 16. Now, while still upsetting, I knew that I would get through them and come out the other side, a better person for it as well.
Life has a way of throwing a spanner in the works at times. Each and everyone of us has to endure these kind of challenges in life. It’s how we react to them is what will define us. Will you fall to pieces or will you rise up and become a better person?
It’s being a while, how has everyone being? Anyway, last weekend, I was in Dublin to attend an all nighter to watch the finals of EVO 2012. For those of you who are wondering what EVO is, it is basically the world’s biggest fighting game tournament and happens yearly in Las Vegas. The finals happen on a Sunday night and like last year, the Irish scene organised an all nighter in a gaming cafe to watch said finals ( and play some games while we’re watinig as well. ) It was a good night, though to say the least, I was pretty bushed the following day for obvious reasons!
However, with the end of EVO 2012, I now had to follow through on something I said to many people I would do the ‘ Tuesday after EVO. ‘ Well, yesterday was the Tuesday after EVO. So, it was time to finally do it.
For those who follow me on Twitter, I tweeted about this yesterday. Posting the following the image:
I was finally applying for my visa to go to Australia!
I had being all talk before but now I was going to make things more solid and certain. I took my time filling out the form, paid the fee and then sat back and waited it to process, checking it several times before I went to bed later that night.
I woke up to this email this morning;
Yup, the visa had being granted! And with that, the first step has being completed. The next step now is to book the flights and inital accomadation, though I’m gonna leave that until closer to my chosen date of departure ( Mid – November, shortly before the deadline. )
Hopefully, nothing bad will happen between now and then that will prevent me from going. However, having taken the first step, the whole thing is now real with this. Stay tuned for future updates on this.
I dived into my first actual leadership role recently. One that I put myself forward for willingly. I ran my local fighitng game scene’s tournament for the first time as the previous head honcho has left Cork with his sights set on Japan. Now, let it be known, I’ve never really had a proper leadership role before this. As the introverted type, I was usually looked over in favor of the loud mouth extraverts. So this was the first time I could actually do a leadership role and see what it would do for me.
Naturally as I’d never done anything like this before, I knew before I even started that I would screw something up. The fact of the matter is, perfection is impossible. Anyone who thinks they can get things right for the first time is delusional and probably hasn’t experinced what life yet. This was a good atitude for me to have anyway as made any screw ups I made less bothersome for me.
The Inevitable Screw Ups
Back to the tournament, I arrived in Cork last Saturday at the venue all the other tournaments have being held to find no one there. Uh oh , I thought. This isn’t a good sign. I decide to proceed as planned anyway. Eventually, a few people turn up. Well, actually, only seven people ( myself included ) turn up. FUCK. Now, I’m scared. In my panic, I take someone else’s view too quickly and decide to only do casuals.
This could have being a MAJOR screw up on my part if it wasn’t for a friend of mine who there who pointed out to me that taking money and not running a tournament would be the fastest way to piss people off and ruin the tournaments reputation as well as my own. I realized he was right and decided to run a smaller tournament anyway.
What could have being a total diaster turned out OK in the end, with some good games and a pretty funny moment in a match being caught on camera.
What I learned
I had already accepted the fact that I was gonna screw things up my first time running things and I did, including one that could have being really bad had someone not caught it. Now that I’ve gotten the first time screw ups out of the way, I am now less likely to repeat them in future and will be more confident running the next event.
I also learned the value of friends; The guy who pointed out that taking money and NOT running something due to a low turnout was a BAD idea was my savior. I am greatful for him for making me feel uncomfortable… the kind of uncomfortable that you get when you realized you’re making a big mistake and have to rectify it. You could say he was a bit more proactive than I was but like I said, I now have a better idea how to run things.
Lastly and this is kind of irrelvant – We need a different venue – the current one is too expensive. Given the low turn out, it’s not economically viable to keep running the event at the same place!
Screwing Up is OK
The point of this story is that in life, we will ALL screw up at some point or another. These could be little screw ups or big ones. The fact is there WILL happen, there isn’t much we can do about it. Instead, we should accept them when they happen and not beat ourselves up over them. Instead, we should strive to find the lesson from the screw ups and then insure that we don’t do them again.
I’ve screwed up a hell a lot in life, not just last weekend. Those screw ups, while some may have being diasterous at the time, didn’t kill me and I’m still here today, generally all the better as a result of them.
When it comes to life, you should take any screw ups that come your way as an oppurtunity to learn and get know yourself better. There is no point in moping around feeling sorry for yourself over a mistake or screw up you made. Mourn them if you most but also remember to move on from them afterwards.
Life is full of these kinds of screw ups, it’s up to you how you’ll react to them.
Over To You
And now, I’m opening up it to you, the reader. What times have you screwed up? Do it do any serious harm? What lessons did you learn from it?