2 Weeks To Go; Not Knowing What To Feel
Last Saturday I had my going away party. It was long day for me because not only did I say goodbye to many friends and family but earlier the same day, I also said goodbye to my friends from the local fighting game scene as I attended my final local tournament. So you could say the last weekend was a weekend of goodbyes and I’m not even finished yet!
To be honest… right now I don’t know how to feel. I mean, I’m happy that I have so many who care about me ( as well as finding out who my friends were…. let’s just say a LOT of people failed that test! ) That people are going to miss me but right now, I’m not sure how to feel about it all.
I’m entering the final countdown, so to speak. There is only 2 weeks to go now. I’ve still got a few things to do before I go ( apart from packing, obviously! ) I’ll sort most of that out this week. It hasn’t really hit me that I’m actually going to Australia. A part of me is half expecting some disaster to happen that will prevent from going!
I don’t know why I’m thinking like that. Maybe it’s because it’s such a huge step into the unknown for me that my brain isn’t able to comprehend it yet. Maybe I’m experincing what one may call ‘ Graduation Goggles ‘ at this stage. It could be the negative part of me talking, trying to imagine random crap like how North Korea is going to start World War 3 within the next 2 weeks or some other fantasical reason that I won’t be able to travel!
Then I think about more morbid reasons that could either prevent me from traveling or make me return early like the death of a close relative. I guess I’m not OK and that is OK with me. It’s normal for someone to feel nervous and unsure when they are about to make a big transition in their lives – I’m about to make one myself after all. They think about all the nasty shit that could happen or go wrong. They somehow think that they don’t deserve it and maybe even WANT something happen to prevent them from actually making the transition!
I’ve fought with similar feelings in another area if my life before and was able to eventually overcome them ( that is for another post, though. ) So I can overcome this feeling I’m having right now – It’s a weird one, a happy kind of blues – you could say. You happy that you’re going but you’re sad at what you’re leaving behind in order to do so – a part of you doesn’t want things to change, so to speak.
However, I know that as much as hate it, change is a part of everyday life. I would nearly say it is an ESSENTIAL part of everyday life. Without it, life would be stale and boring. People will endless complain about change – especailly if it’s a large website that likes to change appareance every other week! The human being is a strange cookie, alright; We hate change but in order for u to grow – then we MOST be willing to embrace change in our lives.
I accept that change is a part of life. I’m making a change for myself. Sure it is scary as hell but you know what? That is what makes life worth living. I know that my current life isn’t going to get me anywhere which is why I am making this change for myself.
I’ll leave you with a song that pretty much sums up my mood right now;