Monthly Archives: January 2012
There was a time when I would have described myself as being ‘ shy. ‘ The truth was, I was never really that shy at all. I was the brash, hyperactive child who couldn’t sit down for 5 minutes and was always yapping away about random kids things. Point is, I’m more of an introvert as opposed to being a shy person. Yes, they are both different things and are not mutually exclusive.
An introvert likes or rather, needs to spend a lot of time on their own. An introvert feels drained if they are placed into a strange social situation. Introverts can also be very ‘ floaty ‘ in the way I don’t like hanging around one group generally in a social setting, opting to go around the room, casually talking to people.
An introvert very much tends to live ‘ in their head ‘ so to speak. I mean that we live in an inner world that can be just as rich and complex as the rich around us. I don’t mean that an introvert doesn’t know the difference between that and reality, its just the way we roll.
Life in an ‘ extroverted ‘ world for be hard for us. We’re told we need to have a billion friends, go out and get smashed every weekend and all that. This makes us feel bad when we neither don’t want or really need these things. Some of us become very depressed over this, others use as a motivator to do something different from the norm.
I guess the good about the introvert is that by default, we reject the norm. We wish to make our own way through life, not just do the whole ‘ packaged life ‘ thing. That is not for us, we think ‘ how boring ‘ and we go off on our latest adventure.
All in all, introversion and shyness are not the same thing. Someone by a shy extrovert and be an extroverted introvert. Its paradox, perhaps but that is life, it ain’t black and white!
There is a horrific disease. A contagious disease
It seems to have affected all us all, its clogged up the media and is preventing people from moving forward. I’ve seen in many mainstream video games, films and TV shows.
It is not fatal. However, it stalls progress and traps people in seemingly endless loop.
What is it? You may ask? Its called Nostalgia.
Think about, I get the feeling that everything you see these days is about looking back to the past in some shape or form. The endless remakes of films, trying to recapture something from the past that can never be truly recreated ( and needless to say, pissing all over the original source material more often than not! ) Countless cover versions of songs, usually song by talentless hacks so that a cheap skate record company to make some fast $$$. Video games that are trying way too hard to be like classics from the 80s or 90s.
The whole point, it seems like we are living the past. I feel this is stalling our growth as it is beginning to reach ridiculous levels. Don’t get more wrong, I like nostalgia, I like looking back and seeing what things were like…. but only in small doses. If nostalgia were cocaine, we’d all be dead from a massive overdose!
What can we do to overcome this horrible disease? You may ask? Its fairly simple, live in the present and plan for the future. That is all that you need to do. Instead of living the past, with all the regrets associated with it, live in the now. Plan your future ( but except that things don’t always go to plan. )
Together, we can beat this horrible disease and finally be able to look forward and in the now.
I have already said that it is my intention to treat 2012 as if is really the ‘ final year. ‘ Well, not only that but I have also decided that 2012 is going to have a theme for myself as well. Many people do this and I thought why not.
Anyway, the theme for 2012 for me is Upsetting The Status Quo. For too long, I have being too quiet, too timid. I have always being a person who would fold to others expectations of me because I thought it was the right thing to do, to ‘ keep the peace. ‘ I now know ( or maybe, I have always known ) that this is just a cop out and it is only hurting me in the long run.
For example, I have a habit of responding to questions I have being asked with ‘ I don’t know. ‘ The truth is, more often than not, I should really respond to that question with ‘ None of your fucking business! ‘ The former is a neutral response to avoid causing arguments, the latter, while it may cause a scene once in a while, delivers the point to the other person to stop being so fucking nosey!
Then there is the more obvious ‘ comfortable – but not really fulfilled ‘ existence that I am currently in. I am ‘ comfortable ‘ so to speak but deep down, I know that I don’t like the situation I am in. I am mad feel bad by certain people for circumstances that are generally out of my control. Generally speaking, peer pressure is a bitch!
‘ Conform to this, conform to that! ‘ They tell you, expecting you to follow them like a stupid sheep. Why should I? Truth be told, my motivation is rather low at present, and it has being for some time. Almost everything feels like a fucking endurance test. ‘ This is the way, the only way! Even if you end up hating yourself and saddled with debt, this is the only way! ‘ Please….
Its not like I am not planning anything, Operation Getaway comes to mind. It is going to take me a long time to build up my funds to get there but by god, I am going to there. See, my motivation isn’t completely shot. I am using this as a foundation to build onto something bigger and better. Some people are like weeds and grow quickly. Others are more like Chinese Bamboo tress which see no real group for the first 4 years then see a massive growth sprout in year 5, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
I most also confess that I’m a bit of what some may call a ‘ Hopeless Romantic ‘ which it comes to perusing members of the opposite sex. I am going to admit that I’ve never have being in a relationship at the time of writing. It is just something that has never happened for me for one reason or another ( truth be told, its almost all me. ) There is even a word for it, Involuntary Celibacy or Incel for short.
Anyway, seeing that 2012 is all about upsetting the Status Quo, I will make much more of an effort to flirt with girls. How I will do, I’m not entirely sure yet because truth be told, where I live at present there is fuck all possibilities to meet ladies that don’t involve going to the pub and seeing that everyone is broke from Christmas, no one is going to be out this month! I’m not saying that it’s not impossible, just a lot more difficult.
On that topic, another aspect I need to stop giving a hoot about is the whole so-called ‘ Gossip Machine ‘ – people who probably because they have nothing better to do, go around nattering and poking their noses in other people’s lives and then proceed to tell everyone and their dogs about it. I am going to live by the theme I have set myself for this year, then the Gossip machine concerning me is going to go into overdrive!
For too long, I have let that dictate my actions or rather my inaction, all because I’m afraid of someone starting some bullshit rumours about me. Like I said, more often than not, these people have nothing better to do then spread shit, it really shows their character, doesn’t it? We people who are striving to brake free and make something of ourselves will face this and we all need to ignore it, even if the screams become almost deafening!
This is what we face when we chose to upset the Status Quo and for me, this is what 2012 is going to be about. Hell, I’ve already inadvertently started doing it already a few times already in my day to day life so maybe it is only to get stronger?
Here’s to 2012!
Firstly, Happy New Year everyone! Hope you had a good night wherever you were and whoever you were doing! 😉
Anyway, straight down to Business, I have an announcement to make. I am making good of my promise to start issuing myself challenges, well this one is more of an experiment – A pretty big one at that you can say. Its one that has being in the back of my mind for quite some time but it was something I knew I’d want to do eventually.
So, as of today, January 1st, 2012 – I am giving up the drink for one year. New Years Eve was the last blow out for me before this started, which explains why I am typing this out a few days beforehand and scheduled it!
Well, I have my reasons but rest assurred, I am NOT going to become of those oh so mighty teetotallers who tells everyone who drinks off ( I was like that when I was younger, it didn’t work too well socailly for me! Ha! ) The reaons I have for doing this are:
I have an awful habbit of spending way too much on booze when I am out. Tha money can easily be put to better use elsewhere, like saving for my trip to Australia. Seriously, there was one night where I spent over 100 Euro out. I am like ‘ Woah! To hell with that. ‘
Another obvious one, I want to look after myself now more than ever. I am NOT invincable and I want to prolong my life as much as possible so that I can see as much as I can. That and hangovers generally suck ass and cause a write off of the next day!
3. I am using it as a crutch.
I, like many others, am a bit shy and inward. The drink helps bring me out of my shell quite a bit. HOWEVER, I realise that this is a trap and its really just a cop out for both me and anyone else that connects with drunk Adrian. My goal is to be able to do what I can do drunk…. except I will completely sober, if you get my drift.
Granted, I know the first few times going out sober will suck but I already know from exerpince as I often went out completely dry when I was 19 and 20. Those sucked but maybe it was because I never put myself out there enough.
4. I knew it was never meant to be a permentment fixture.
I didn’t start drinking until I was 21 and even then, I knew it wasn’t meant to be a permenment thing. I knew it was temporary, something to keep me sane during the college years. Now that I’m at the other side of this, I don’t wish to partake in these activities anymore, the peroid is over, I don’t NEED drink anymore, I can cope perfectly well on my own.
There are other reasons that are a bit too personal for me to blabbing out here right now so I’ll just at this. I am looking forward to doing this and hope that the whole experiment will work for the best for me!
Heres to the New Year Everyone!