Category Archives: Status Quo

Failure & Success

I haven’t updated this blog in a while, I know that. The reason being, apart from me completely running out of ideas, I also kind of fell flat on my face in the past 6 weeks or so. It wasn’t a pretty site to behold, if you ask me and it’s only the past week or so that I feel I am getting back up onto my feet again.

Unfortunately, as a result, I have some bad news to report. I have already written about how I broke the year of no drinking thing. Yeah, things went to crap afterwards. It was a bit messy ( no, I haven’t turned into an hopeless alcoholic but still. ) I guess I was too ambitious with the time scale I had set myself. Well, I can least say I went 3 months without drinking, even though it’s a bit of a cop out.

So yeah, it’s being a bit of a failure.. hence one where I was aware of making the choice and as I wrote in my previous post, worrying about letting my audience down too much is a bad sign and is almost peer pressure in itself ( not saying it’s a bad thing unless it starts effecting you negatively. )

On that note, I’ve also got another failure on my part to report. Damn, this is like a double whammy and is making me out to be someone who can’t succeed at anything! Anyway, this failure concerns my fighting games hobby. Yeah, I failed to win a tournament and May is almost over. Hell, I haven’t managed to get past group stages in any tournament this year! What the hell is wrong with me!? Then again, there is only so much online play can do as I live no where close to someone who plays these games like I do. That in turn means practice isn’t as practical as it should be and I just get bored of beating up a dummy in training mode.

Maybe I’m just not meant to be hyper-competitive. I’m more content to hang in the background with the community. On that note, I’m actually going to be running the local tournaments myself for a while as the guy who has ran them to this point is leaving Ireland soon. That in itself will pose some interesting challenges for me. Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to win. I followed up and asked others what I did wrong that caused me to lose at the last tournament so that I could improve in future.

However, I actually do have some good news to report; In less than 3 weeks, I will be doing my Stage 10 speech in my local Toastmasters club, thereby completing the Competent Communicator manual and achieving certification as a Competent Communicator :D I won’t say any more about that until then but it’s a big deal for me, considering I’ve being doing a speech practically every month since last September ( not including the speech competitions and the time I went to the fond-raising Speakathon event in Marymount Hospice ) I’m pretty burnt out in that department! Well, all I need to do is one more and I’ll be done with the CC manual!

As for Australia, things are still going to plan. Just slowly saving for up towards it. As long as the Euro doesn’t go to crap before I leave, I’ll be fine. Looking forward to it, being honest and it won’t be that long coming!

So that’s an update on me. As the future of this blog, I’m not sure. I’ll keep things up to date but I can’t promise anything. I’ll need to rethink a few things, though. Till then, keep up with whatever good you’re doing!

Staying True to My Theme of 2012

I’ve being slacking off lately, I admit this ( well, I DID say that the release Street Fighter X Tekken would effect my posts here for a while ) I’m still nowhere near wanting to wake up at 7am in the morning ( maybe I was being too ambitious with that goal perhaps? ) and other things, like saving for Oz, have slowed down a bit unfortunately.

However, I can that maybe the last few months were meant as a peroid where I was germinating internally. Who knows, I’m the type of person who takes some time to come around but when I do, the progress can be remarkable in a very short peroid of time. For example, If I was given a 6 week project, you can count on me making slow progress until week 4, after that, you will see my productactivity sky rocket which will result in me finishing the project on time.

So, there are a few things in the pipeline but generally speaking, I am doing my best to stay true to my theme for 2012 which is Upsetting the Status Quo. It’s kind of funny really, I could do nothing for ages but then something comes along and causes massive changes with something as simple as pressing the ‘ return ‘ key on my laptop ( I’ll elaborate on this in a future post. )

As for the whole no drinking thing, I’ve managed to stay true to myself and my goal of a drink free 2012 by NOT drinking at all this St Patrick’s weekend just gone. To be honest, I feel like I wasn’t really missing out on much anyway. For one thing, the bars I was in were in absolute chaos, even though I left early as I was sick of it at that stage. Then there was the amount of litter and broken glass strewn around the town. Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t do anything like ( hell, even when I DID drink, St Patrick’s Day was nowhere near this messy for me. )

I guess I can say that changes are happening slowly and maybe it was just the fact that Winter is over and Spring is here now so maybe things will pick up a pace a little. However, I will to those who are in a similar position to me in regards to change and are not happy with thier progress: Don’t sweat it, people grow at different rates, your day in the sun will come.

People Who Inspire Me – Niall Doherty

No Self Promo ChallengeThis post is a part of a series of posts I will be making every Thursday for the month of February as my contribution to the No Self Promo Challenge. Despite the title, we can decide our level of involvement. As part of my contribution, I decided to write a series of posts about people who inspire me or have otherwise have a positive impact on me and I feel more people should be made aware of.

Well, this is one person who needs no introduction but I am going to give him one anyway. Niall Doherty is the person behind Disrupting the Rabblement. Niall, unlike so many other people, actually got to live his dream, which was to go to New Orleans and be able to report on his favourite Basketball team, the New Orleans Hornets. He would eventually earning a media pass and all the benefits attached to it owing to his work on a fan site he had created.

Having lived this dream, he has since moved onto a new one: Lifestyle Design. Now, I used that term loosely as ‘ Lifestyle Design ‘ can mean anything you want. Though there is one universal theme that goes with it: Abandoning the standard life mindset and living life on your own terms.

Niall has done, and continues to do this in droves. He is a vegan ( though not of the lecturing ‘ oh, meat is bad, save the animals, man! ‘ type ) recently finished a year long stint of no drinking and has decided he doesn’t need to drink ever again ( which served as inspiration for my own year of no drinking challenge. )

At time of writing this, he is on a round the world trip without flying and is about to enter Iran in order to get to India. Many people are worried that he might end up in harms way and get hurt or killed, be he seems all right with this.

Niall has also shown that is more than willing to stretch his comfort zone, having done a series of challenges called ‘ Random Acts of Courage ‘ in early 2011. The idea being that he would have much stronger courage muscles by the time he was through the week of challenges.

Niall is also not afraid to call out others. As I detailed late last year, I got called out in one of this blog posts, which prompted me to respond immediately and also showed me that he is not messing around and is for real! This is something that I like very much.

This is Niall Doherty and he inspires me to break through my comfort zone, challenge myself and make myself a better person.

Me & Niall after meeting in Cork last September ( 2011 )

Me & Niall meeting up in Cork last September ( 2011 )

My Name Is Adrian And These Are Some Of My Vulnerabilities.

Your's Truly

Since I started this blog, I haven’t really spoken much about me. I have spoken of some of my experiences, some of my ideas, shared my goals that I want from life but one thing I haven’t really spoken of is what makes me… well me. I’m not invincible, I’m quite vulnerable, actually.

The following post, I wish to share some of my vulnerabilities. Some of these things I have no problem with sharing, while others make feel really uneasy about sharing them BUT I feel like I should so that people to get to know the REAL me, not the fake mask I wear most of the time to protect myself from being hurt.

I have never had a girlfriend.

I am 25 years old at the time of writing this and I have never had a girlfriend of any real sort ( any loose exceptions were really just people fucking with me. ) I’ve never had sex and being brutally honest, I don’t see this changing any time soon. Why? You might ask. It’s simple: I feel that most ( emphasising MOST here ) girls where I live are just not simply worth my time. This could be for various reasons be it that I am not attracted to them, they ARE attractive but they have the personality of a donkey and / or already taken by someone else.

I don’t mean to be fussy or anything, I simply just want to find someone who likes for me for who I am, not because I’m not the most handsome guy in the world, make the most money, etc. I feel that this girl simply does not exist for me in Ireland. For my own reasons, I’ve always felt incompatible with Irish culture, with it’s work all the hours god sends you and then go and get drunk to forget about your problems type of thing. Now, I know I am generalising but I am pretty sure this is true for the vast majority of people I know.

Of course, I’ve had numerous crushes over the years but nothing really came out of them, mainly because I was too scared to act. It was kind of creepy the way I acted around girls I liked when I was younger, practically stalking them because I didn’t know what else to do. It was only when I did this to someone in my class group and the whole thing blew up and became a massive mess for me that I snapped out of it. However, instead of following them, I did… nothing instead.

It’s something I am still working on and I feel that something…. I don’t what, is mentally blocking from going any further with girls I actually am interested in. I don’t why this is happening, is it because I am afraid of getting hurt? Then again, my first experience with trying to meet a girl ended in me getting ice thrown into my face! If that isn’t traumatising, then I don’t know what is. It’s something I need to figure out, though and overcome it because, believe it or not, I actually do want to know what actual love is and while I’m still young as well!

I procrastinate

I freely admit that I procrastinate way more than I should, wasting entire days on the computer on the internet, mainly because I feel where I live offers me virtually nothing of interest. I constantly get lectured for sleeping in late during the day but I wish I could answer back ‘ If that’s the case, tell me what there is for me to do!? ‘

More often than not, when I do ask, I usually got work shoved in my way, like doing the garden or painting the house, all the while others being smart about it and going ‘ Oh, isn’t this better than being on the computer all day!? ‘ That type of smart ass approach to me is one of the reasons I don’t like doing things for other people. Why? It doesn’t benefit me AT ALL. It makes me more resentful of them in fact. They see that my time is worth nothing and so treat it as such.
‘ Why don’t you get a job? ‘ That is all well and good but this is one serious problem – virtually everywhere I’ve ever submitted a CV to has never even bothered to call me back! As a result of this, I’ve never had any form of proper job since I was 18! The main reason I’m probably so slow is because I simply got exploited and treated like a fool by the job I did have. I won’t go into my reasons why but it coloured my view of things quite badly.

As for my list of things to do, I still go for daily walks most days but haven’t really touched a sketchpad in a while and I am slowly saving up my money to leave for Australia later this year. My year of no drinking is going good as well, too. I need to up my game, truly and honestly. I’m a bit of wreck right now and I know it and I WILL find a way through it.

And now for the reason I even considered making this post, this one is kind of hard for me to admit but after seeing several people come out with their insecurities and vulnerabilities on Niall Doherty’s blog, this one is pale in comparison to some of the things people spoke of there. That said, I’m still rather embarrassed to admit this.

I’ve got a crush on a video game character

There, I said it, you have no idea how much procrastination and hesitation I had to go through just to type that line. This exposes quite a few things about me, namely that I’m an introvert and that in spite of appearances, I am actually a giant nerd. Well, that is exaggerating a little but I do have nerdish tendencies, I just feel I can’t freely express them where I am in life right now for fear of ridicule.

Anyway, seeing that I got that out of the way, I might as well as say who it is. It’s actually quite honest anyway – It’s a character called Pyrrah from a game called Soul Calibur 5 ( a fighting game, a damn fun one at that as well. No prizes for guessing what character I play! ) I’m sorry but looking from the image below, I’m pretty sure some of you will admit ‘ Yeah, she IS cute alright. ‘

Come on, admit it. She's cute, isn't she?

The thing is, this has brought home several things, my lack of success with women and to be brutally honest, the piss poor quality of women in my area. This is one of the reasons I want to leave so bad – If I stay, I do not stand a chance in finding someone. I mean seriously, if I end up developing a crush on a freaking video game character, then something is seriously lacking.

However, I have to remind myself that I am NOT a special case. Indeed, consider the fact that people will develop crushes, even fall in love with – celebrities in the media. People who generally speaking, they have no hope in hell of ever meeting and even if they did, they would NOT be like the person they have imagined. Given all the paparazzi you get around celebrities anyway then you will know that they too are human, not some mythological creature. Why should be any different? ( That and there are countless others who have crushes on video game characters too, I know this. )

Right, I know this was a pretty self – centred post but there you have it, you know me a little bit better and have shown that I am indeed human. I am flawed, I am not perfect. I don’t want people to think otherwise. If I inspire you, I’m glad I do but please, don’t worship me like some sort of god. I am only human, I am a flawed and am working my way through life the best I can.

My Theme for 2012

' Dreams ' - Comic from XKCD

 

I have already said that it is my intention to treat 2012 as if is really the ‘ final year. ‘ Well, not only that but I have also decided that 2012 is going to have a theme for myself as well. Many people do this and I thought why not.

Anyway, the theme for 2012 for me is Upsetting The Status Quo. For too long, I have being too quiet, too timid. I have always being a person who would fold to others expectations of me because I thought it was the right thing to do, to ‘ keep the peace. ‘ I now know ( or maybe, I have always known ) that this is just a cop out and it is only hurting me in the long run.

For example, I have a habit of responding to questions I have being asked with ‘ I don’t know. ‘ The truth is, more often than not, I should really respond to that question with ‘ None of your fucking business! ‘ The former is a neutral response to avoid causing arguments, the latter, while it may cause a scene once in a while, delivers the point to the other person to stop being so fucking nosey!

Then there is the more obvious ‘ comfortable – but not really fulfilled ‘ existence that I am currently in. I am ‘ comfortable ‘ so to speak but deep down, I know that I don’t like the situation I am in. I am mad feel bad by certain people for circumstances that are generally out of my control. Generally speaking, peer pressure is a bitch!

‘ Conform to this, conform to that! ‘ They tell you, expecting you to follow them like a stupid sheep. Why should I? Truth be told, my motivation is rather low at present, and it has being for some time. Almost everything feels like a fucking endurance test. ‘ This is the way, the only way! Even if you end up hating yourself and saddled with debt, this is the only way! ‘ Please….

Its not like I am not planning anything, Operation Getaway comes to mind. It is going to take me a long time to build up my funds to get there but by god, I am going to there. See, my motivation isn’t completely shot. I am using this as a foundation to build onto something bigger and better. Some people are like weeds and grow quickly. Others are more like Chinese Bamboo tress which see no real group for the first 4 years then see a massive growth sprout in year 5, you can’t judge a book by its cover.

I most also confess that I’m a bit of what some may call a ‘ Hopeless Romantic ‘ which it comes to perusing members of the opposite sex. I am going to admit that I’ve never have being in a relationship at the time of writing. It is just something that has never happened for me for one reason or another ( truth be told, its almost all me. ) There is even a word for it, Involuntary Celibacy or Incel for short.

Anyway, seeing that 2012 is all about upsetting the Status Quo, I will make much more of an effort to flirt with girls. How I will do, I’m not entirely sure yet because truth be told, where I live at present there is fuck all possibilities to meet ladies that don’t involve going to the pub and seeing that everyone is broke from Christmas, no one is going to be out this month! I’m not saying that it’s not impossible, just a lot more difficult.

On that topic, another aspect I need to stop giving a hoot about is the whole so-called ‘ Gossip Machine ‘ – people who probably because they have nothing better to do, go around nattering and poking their noses in other people’s lives and then proceed to tell everyone and their dogs about it. I am going to live by the theme I have set myself for this year, then the Gossip machine concerning me is going to go into overdrive!

For too long, I have let that dictate my actions or rather my inaction, all because I’m afraid of someone starting some bullshit rumours about me. Like I said, more often than not, these people have nothing better to do then spread shit, it really shows their character, doesn’t it? We people who are striving to brake free and make something of ourselves will face this and we all need to ignore it, even if the screams become almost deafening!

This is what we face when we chose to upset the Status Quo and for me, this is what 2012 is going to be about. Hell, I’ve already inadvertently started doing it already a few times already in my day to day life so maybe it is only to get stronger?

Here’s to 2012!

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